18 thoughts on “Your typical graduation speech starter pack

  1. “Websters dictionary defines excellence as the quality or condition of being excellent.

    And now, the class of….”

  2. It’s a shame that none of the valedictorians are interesting people which ends up making their speech boring as hell

  3. “There are more worthy people and I don’t deserve this”.

    Recipient is always a ethnic Male or white female.

  4. ” Among you are future doctors, lawyers, and maybe even the president of the United States “

  5. Includes some shitty metaphor about climbing mountains, and reaching the top, and how hard it was to do so

  6. It’s what everyone does and it’s what’s expected. It’s a ritual.

    Besides, what should it be? “I am so glad to be rid of all you … I bet $50 we’d be the next Columbine and sad that we weren’t because this school needs a social cleansing… So in conclusion, you can all go fuck yourselves! I’m outta here!”

    Is that what you want to hear at graduation, or something even more cringe worthy?

  7. “Webster’s dictionary defines wedding as “the fusing of two metals with a hot torch.” Well, you know something? I think you guys are two medals. Gold medals.”

  8. I quoted the Happy Mask Salesman from Majora’s Mask in my salutatorian speech: “Whenever there is a meeting, a parting shall follow. But that parting needs not last forever. Whether a parting be forever or merely for a short while… that is up to you” like less than 5 people understood the reference but I didn’t care, I loved the Zelda series and wanted to put a personal touch on an otherwise copy and paste speech that everyone has heard before.

  9. You forgot the complaint about today’s society, something like “we spend too much, consume too much, without looking at the bigger picture” or something like that.

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